Lists

Yesterday and today have been busy for me. I made a list and I made a somewhat ragtag schedule of my week and that has pretty much been it. Unfortunately, in reality, I have not been very busy at all. Anyway, I thought I should share with you the wonderfulness of not having a job, which, at times, is not very wonderful.

I had an epiphany yesterday that for my first week of being jobless, I completed absolutely nothing. There was nothing to note except for the flat tire on my car and that shouldn't even be note worthy because I didn't even fix it. I felt so overwhelmed by my own thoughts, fears, and frustrations that I didn't even try to fix it myself. I pulled out the tire, the jack, and the other tools required to do the job and then waited until someone came to help me fix it. I probably could have fixed it myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I just watched as three guys took my flat off and put on my spare. I didn't offer to assist, I just stood there, helpless. Luckily, I was taken care of, but the impact of the situation didn't hit me until yesterday.

I realized that my flat tire is comparable to my first week of nothing. I just sat around in hopes that someone, somewhere, would miraculously recognize my abilities and provide me a job without any effort on my part. NEWSFLASH: It doesn't happen like that. As much as I proclaim that I am an individual who doesn't need someone to help or care for them, I was waiting for exactly that. So I decided to make myself a list.

It started as a single list of errands to run.

• Make an appointment to fix my car
• Go grocery shopping
• Vacuum
• Mop
• Dust

It was not very exciting. I then added to my list: Resume. For some reason this is the bane of my jobless existence. I'm not sure if it is due to the fact that I have absolutely no idea how to present myself on paper or if I really am not qualified for any job that I want. It may even be because I am not sure what I want to do or what I want to accomplish. But the resume is another blog post, so I'll get back on topic. 

My first list filled me with a sense of dread. So I made myself a second one and wrote down my goals for each week.

• Get at least 10,000 steps a day
• Have a solid hour workout at least four days a week
• Do a craft a week
• Blog at least twice a week
• Bake or make a real meal at least twice a week.
• Learn new skills
• Read two books a week. One for fun and one for knowledge
• Do not eat because of boredom
• Get outside of the apartment
• Limit TV use to the evenings
• Find volunteer opportunities 
• Meet new people/Join a group

The last two and learning new skills are long term goals, but everything else I plan/hope to accomplish each week. When I look at it, it doesn't seem like much, but if I compare it to last week, there is a huge difference. 

With my two lists, I comprised a decent schedule and set up a somewhat daily routine that I will try to stick to. Hopefully with my lists and schedule written on my mirrors, I will be able to motivate myself to keep up with my expectations :)

I tried to make Bath Fizzies

I have no clue if I succeeded or not, but I am very much not a crafter. I never really did well in school during craft time either. For instance, I was the only kid in my class who was utterly unable to cut a circle. I took a sewing class, but was terrible at that as well.

Anyway, I added too much water, so I spent way too much time trying to work backwards and fix my mistake. I don't think I did though. Oh well! We'll see how they look tomorrow.  My hands smell amazing from the essential oils I was using. 

Jobless

So my last day at work was on Friday. Even though I had three weeks before I actually left, it was ridiculously hard to leave. I'm still on the softball team that my work put together, but most of the people from work I will probably never see again. In all honesty, I am quite frustrated by the whole ordeal, but at this point it doesn't really matter. The fact of the matter is: I have no job. I have nowhere to go Monday morning when I wake up at 6.

My plan at the moment is simple.

1. I will spend my time applying for jobs.
2. I will get myself in shape.
3. I will take up baking again. It has been much too long since I used my hands to make something utterly delicious. 
4. I will find some crafts that will keep me occupied.
5. I will play video games and work on puzzles.

But before any of this can truly occur, I need to grieve. It sounds cheesy and stupid, but I need it. I'm sad. I haven't mourned my loss. I may not be loosing someone, but in a way I am loosing many people. The bigger issue really is the lack of security I now have. I have no income, but many bills. I have savings, but only enough for a few months. 

Other than this slight crisis, I am doing alright. I have a home, can afford to eat, and have a good emotional support network. 

Hopefully my next update will be much happier and have something fun. Expect more updates and maybe even a semblance of a schedule of posting. Fingers crossed!

The Plan

Here's the thing; there is no plan, which by stating that, it sort of makes it a plan. 

I have absolutely no clue what this space will be about and I have absolutely no idea when I will be updating. If you know me in the slightest, then you know I am a terrible blogger. 

Now that that is out in the open, I should also state that I am aware that by having no specific purpose and no reasonable time to expect a post, there will probably be no following. Oh well! Maybe that will be better? That way I'm not concerned about offending someone? Maybe? Does that make sense? How many more questions will I ask? I have no clue. Oh I guess I stopped. 

As I'm writing, I should also inform you that I will not be editing these since I have no interest or skill in it. This space will be more of a rambling and stream of thought blog. The potential is infinite, but the topics will be from my world. My weird, complicated (even if it is just in my head) world. 

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up my car. Have a wonderful day everyone!