Lists

Yesterday and today have been busy for me. I made a list and I made a somewhat ragtag schedule of my week and that has pretty much been it. Unfortunately, in reality, I have not been very busy at all. Anyway, I thought I should share with you the wonderfulness of not having a job, which, at times, is not very wonderful.

I had an epiphany yesterday that for my first week of being jobless, I completed absolutely nothing. There was nothing to note except for the flat tire on my car and that shouldn't even be note worthy because I didn't even fix it. I felt so overwhelmed by my own thoughts, fears, and frustrations that I didn't even try to fix it myself. I pulled out the tire, the jack, and the other tools required to do the job and then waited until someone came to help me fix it. I probably could have fixed it myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I just watched as three guys took my flat off and put on my spare. I didn't offer to assist, I just stood there, helpless. Luckily, I was taken care of, but the impact of the situation didn't hit me until yesterday.

I realized that my flat tire is comparable to my first week of nothing. I just sat around in hopes that someone, somewhere, would miraculously recognize my abilities and provide me a job without any effort on my part. NEWSFLASH: It doesn't happen like that. As much as I proclaim that I am an individual who doesn't need someone to help or care for them, I was waiting for exactly that. So I decided to make myself a list.

It started as a single list of errands to run.

• Make an appointment to fix my car
• Go grocery shopping
• Vacuum
• Mop
• Dust

It was not very exciting. I then added to my list: Resume. For some reason this is the bane of my jobless existence. I'm not sure if it is due to the fact that I have absolutely no idea how to present myself on paper or if I really am not qualified for any job that I want. It may even be because I am not sure what I want to do or what I want to accomplish. But the resume is another blog post, so I'll get back on topic. 

My first list filled me with a sense of dread. So I made myself a second one and wrote down my goals for each week.

• Get at least 10,000 steps a day
• Have a solid hour workout at least four days a week
• Do a craft a week
• Blog at least twice a week
• Bake or make a real meal at least twice a week.
• Learn new skills
• Read two books a week. One for fun and one for knowledge
• Do not eat because of boredom
• Get outside of the apartment
• Limit TV use to the evenings
• Find volunteer opportunities 
• Meet new people/Join a group

The last two and learning new skills are long term goals, but everything else I plan/hope to accomplish each week. When I look at it, it doesn't seem like much, but if I compare it to last week, there is a huge difference. 

With my two lists, I comprised a decent schedule and set up a somewhat daily routine that I will try to stick to. Hopefully with my lists and schedule written on my mirrors, I will be able to motivate myself to keep up with my expectations :)

I tried to make Bath Fizzies

I have no clue if I succeeded or not, but I am very much not a crafter. I never really did well in school during craft time either. For instance, I was the only kid in my class who was utterly unable to cut a circle. I took a sewing class, but was terrible at that as well.

Anyway, I added too much water, so I spent way too much time trying to work backwards and fix my mistake. I don't think I did though. Oh well! We'll see how they look tomorrow.  My hands smell amazing from the essential oils I was using. 

Jobless

So my last day at work was on Friday. Even though I had three weeks before I actually left, it was ridiculously hard to leave. I'm still on the softball team that my work put together, but most of the people from work I will probably never see again. In all honesty, I am quite frustrated by the whole ordeal, but at this point it doesn't really matter. The fact of the matter is: I have no job. I have nowhere to go Monday morning when I wake up at 6.

My plan at the moment is simple.

1. I will spend my time applying for jobs.
2. I will get myself in shape.
3. I will take up baking again. It has been much too long since I used my hands to make something utterly delicious. 
4. I will find some crafts that will keep me occupied.
5. I will play video games and work on puzzles.

But before any of this can truly occur, I need to grieve. It sounds cheesy and stupid, but I need it. I'm sad. I haven't mourned my loss. I may not be loosing someone, but in a way I am loosing many people. The bigger issue really is the lack of security I now have. I have no income, but many bills. I have savings, but only enough for a few months. 

Other than this slight crisis, I am doing alright. I have a home, can afford to eat, and have a good emotional support network. 

Hopefully my next update will be much happier and have something fun. Expect more updates and maybe even a semblance of a schedule of posting. Fingers crossed!